but genuine concern simply isn't worth the effort. This from a female friend of Stacy's:
"D. must be in pain...I mean how can he hold so much anger unless he is somehow not able to be honest about some issue...or what...I do not know but it causes and has caused you great pain and I am so sorry you have had to live these months and years without the love of a husband who adores you completely."
Now, why does someone assume that I am holding in heaps of anger? Because they would be angry living with a spouse like mine? Fair enough, I suppose. But it sounds so patronizing: you must be very angry, and if you don't feel angry then you are just not being honest with yourself. The woman's husband pulled that on me for months and when I finally got ticked at him for his inconsistency, he shrank back and accused me of "shaming" him. Mon Dieu! Will I start covering up my cowardice and laziness with counsel-speak if I continue sitting in JB's office? Meh genoita. But back to the sentiment above - why does pain demand anger? Is it not possible to deal with S.'s manifold foibles with some patience and sorrow, tinged perhaps with anger? For that matter - why should someone assume a place of judgment like she has? According to her, I am a seething sonnofabitch who fails to honestly assess both himself and the situation at hand. I suggest that such judgments have no place between Christians.
What stirs more emotion, though, when I read the above words is the idea that I have willfully failed to love and adore my wife completely for lo these many years. A more appropriate sentiment would sound like this: "I'm sorry that you have been unwilling to offer your husband any sort of unconditional love or emotional safety. You reap what you sow, though. Tough it up, woman." THAT would speak wisdom to the situation, IMHO.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment